Style Invitational Week 1240: We GIVE you Limerixicon XIV Send us a limerick featuring a word beginning with gh- or gi-; plus winning alliterative headlines (early!) (Bob Staake for The Washington Post ) By Pat Myers By Pat Myers Entertainment August 10 // (Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning alliterative headlines from Week 1237) Most election reformers believe Contributions are bad. (How naive!) But my Bible instructs What to do with my bucks: Says it’s better to *give,* /then/ receive. Well, hickory dickory dock — or, we should say, gickory gickory gock: It’s time once again for the Limerixicon, our 14th annual check-in with OEDILF.com , the project by Chris J. Strolin and his merry team to compile a dictionary of limericks featuring every word in the English language. OEDILF projects a completion date of Sept. 25, 2076 (exactly what it was last August), and more than 99,000 limericks have been submitted to the website — which means that with this week’s contest, the Loser Community could very well turn over Chris’s limerodometer. Last August the Oedilfers asked us for ge- words; the year before that, we did the ga-. *This week: Supply a humorous, previously unpublished limerick significantly featuring any English word, name or term beginning with “gh-” or “gi-,” *as in the example above by Chris Doyle that got ink in the bd-to-bi- contest in 2005. See *wapo.st/limericks2017 *for our fairly strict rules on limerick rhyme and meter (in a nutshell: “perfect” rhyme, and a strong “hickory-dickory-dock” rhythm in Lines 1, 2 and 5; a “dickory-dock” in Lines 3 and 4; plus “weak” syllables on either side). See OEDILF.com about submitting limericks there after this contest is over. Submit entries at this website:*wapo.st/enter-invite-1240* (all lowercase). Winner gets the *Inkin’ Memorial ,* the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy — one of the last few before we come out with a new design. Second place receives — brought back from Italy by Loser Elden Carnahan — a T-shirt listing 66 /parolacce,/ or extremely crude Italian terms, complete with English (or in some cases, broken-English) translations. Note: If you have the /slightest/ amount of decency, the Empress will happily substitute a more decorous prize. *Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose” Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.” Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind” or “Magnum Dopus.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Aug. 21; results published Sept. 10 (online Sept. 7). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline for this week’s results is by Nan Reiner; the honorable-mentions subhead is by William Kennard. Join the Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday ; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter. *The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv . And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . . *HAR HEADS: THE ALLITERATIVE HEADLINES OF WEEK 1237* We’re bringing you the results of *Week 1237* a week early — does the Empress have it together or what! Actually the answer would be (b), “what”: In a stunning achievement not equaled in Invite history except perhaps When the Czar Totally Skipped Week 64, the E spent the week judging 1237, not realizing until too late that it was Week 1236’s turn. So the bogus-portmanteau words will be here next week. In Week 1237 we asked you to rewrite a headline from July 21-31 using alliteration, with most of the words beginning with the same letter or letter-sound (e.g., C and K). That period turned out to be one heck of a news week — encompassing the entire career of Anthony Scaramucci as White House Communications Director in Waiting. The inking headlines below are accompanied by either the original headline or a paraphrase. 4th place /Original: /North Korea tests ballistic missile that experts say could hit California *Mini-Me meshuggenah’s mighty mega-missile might make Malibu* (Phil Frankenfeld, Washington) 3rd place Kelly steps in to impose order for president *Hardy Homeland headliner hastily hired to hamstring Head Honcho’s harebrained histrionics in hotbed of haphazard, hostile happenings; holds high hopes for harmony in hobbled headquarters* (Mae Scanlan, Washington) 2nd place and the leggings with a human-muscles pattern : CEO pay 271 times that of a typical U.S. worker *Exploited exclaim, ‘[Expletive] executives expect [expletive] extraordinary [expletive] excess!’* (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.) And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial: *Random recipients rejoice reallocated riches’ release* /Original:/ “Lotteries” (Jeff Contompasis) Seconds. So sad: honorable mentions Abrupt chain reaction for Trump *Spin shop staff shake-up: Spicer splits, Sanders supplants Sean; sycophant schmoozer Scaramucci slithers in; sources cite satanic snickering* (Kevin Dopart, Washington) Trump ousts Priebus as chief of staff* POTUS punts previously precious Priebus Pluto-ward, points to puny, pathetic production* (Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.) Scaramucci unloads on Priebus in vulgar tirade *Volatile vermin vehemently voices vulgar, vindictive, violent, vile, vituperative vortex of vomit * (Nan Reiner, Boca Raton, Fla.) * Missed manners: Mooch’s manure-mouth makes mockery of managed media messaging * (Kevin Dopart) Scaramucci out as White House communications director *Foulmouthed financier fails to finish first fortnight* (Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.)* Marine makes Mooch march; motormouth multimillionaire media manager muted * (John Glenn, Tyler, Tex.) Sessions plans to stay, despite Trump’s remark * Land’s leading lawyer (lackey), lovelorn and lacking leverage, leery of leaving* (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.) Nationals trade for Twins closer Brandon Kintzler to help steady nagging late-game situations *Beltway ballclub bolsters beleaguered bullpen because bunch of bums blows ballgames beyond belief* (Jesse Frankovich) These college students lost access to legal pot — and started getting better grades *Could kibosh on crimeless cannabis cause climb in college kids’ cognitive caliber? ’Course, clowns!* (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines) Rick Perry thought he was talking to a world leader about pig manure. It was a prank call. *Putative politico pranks Perry with palaver pertaining to pig pies. Piffle? Persiflage? P’Ooops . . . ? * Nan Reiner) Kushner details more than 70 assets that he failed to disclose *Derelict in duty? Da Donald’s darling daughter’s dearie didn’t disclose dozens and dozens of denominations, deductions, distributions, Deutsche debits * (Mae Scanlan) ‘I did not collude,’ Kushner asserts *Collusion? Cray-Cray, Claims Kid K* (Dave Airozo, Silver Spring, Md.) Trump lawyers asking about presidential pardon powers *Pettifoggers plan to proffer plenty of potentially practical pretexts for pardoning political pals* (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.) Trump dictated son’s misleading statement on meeting with Russian lawyer *Disclosure: Dad Donald drafted dauphin’s deceptive declaration on discussion of disrupting, diddling Democrats* (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) Obituaries: By being himself, the pioneering news anchor Jim Vance broadcast straight into the heart of the District *Vance: a valiant video voice, with a vigilant viewpoint in a volatile village; venerated for verve, versatility. With his vanishing: Vacuum. Void. * (Mae Scanlan) Trump’s Scouts speech brings backlash *Commander in chief cannonballs into captive kids’ campground with campaign claptrap* (Dave Prevar, Annapolis, Md.) *Jolly Jamboree jolted by jawing jackass jamming junk on juveniles * (Annette Green, Lexington, Va.) Trump announces ban on transgender people in U.S. military *Prohibitive president proclaims: Privates, preserve privates!* (Jesse Frankovich) The military spends five times as much on Viagra as it would on transgender troops’ medical care *Defense doctoring dollars dealt to dingus dysfunction drugs demonstrate dubious deliberation on discriminatory decision *(Nan Reiner) There are a lot of gross microbes on a dollar bill *Begrimed banknotes bear bounteous bugs, bacteria, butt-borne bits* (Jesse Frankovich) Heroic effort by Seychellois man saves 5 people in distress at sea *He saved sailors to the seashore in the Seychelles* (Roy Ashley, Washington) *Still running — deadline Monday night, Aug. 14: our contest to combine two movie titles. See wapo.st/invite1239 .*